A New Beginning

As a child I was the only girl in a neighborhood with 17 boys.  Needless to say, I played a lot of football, baseball, basketball, “army”, “cops and robbers” and “cowboys and Indians”.  I climbed trees and raced by bike down “Dead Man’s Hill” at what I would now consider a life threatening speed.  I learned at a very early age that you do not go running home crying to mama when you crash and skin your knee.  You get up, brush it off, show off the blood, and get back on your bike to do it again. This “walk it off” philosophy is one I’ve carried with me my entire life. 

Another thing I’ve carried from my childhood is that I can completely do without “drama”.  Not to sound like a reverse chauvinist, but there have been far too many women in my life who have, or have created, way too much drama in their lives. Now, there are exceptions on both sides; I know many women who are not “drama queens”, and some men who are.  But regardless of whether they are male or female, I’ve also learned to avoid them at all costs.  They are social vampires, sucking the energy from you at an alarming rate and when I find myself getting pulled into their drama, I walk away – no, I run.  I put as much distance between them and myself as possible.  In the past six years I’ve severed ties with a few friends because I tired of their high maintenance, drama queen personalities. Brutal?  Maybe, but I call it self preservation.  Life is just too short to be pulled down into their vortex of negativity.  

That being said, I’ve decided to (try to) get rid of as much of the negativity in my own life as I possibly can, and it begins with me.  I used to be so very optimistic – someone once told me that if I was thrown into a barn full of horse shit, I would say ‘there’s a pony in here somewhere!’  Life is tough, but it’s always been, and I’ve always been able to deal with the bad stuff and keep on going – it always seemed to make me stronger than before.  When did that change?  When did I become so negative and cynical?  I don’t like this person anymore and I’m hoping that with the new year I can begin a new journey; one with a better attitude and a more positive demeanor.

For a long time now I’ve wanted to be able to meditate, but just could never seem to stay focused.  My mind would race with thoughts like a once wild horse that finally regained its freedom, and it drove me crazy.  Recently while doing some online research about meditating I came across a video that featured a Buddhist Priest, talking about “the monkey mind”, that endless stream of thoughts that race through your head. He said that you do not try and shut it off, but instead let the thoughts come, acknowledge them, and then refocus on your meditation.  Wow, that makes it sound so much easier, so tomorrow I start making attempts to meditate; banish everything negative and invite in the positive energy. Peace, Love, Balance, Strength, Patience, Harmony, Wisdom.